Memories can be like doors. Most of these mnemonic doors are left wide open, allowing one to go in and out when necessary. However some memory doors have been slammed shut, locked and bolted. A “Don’t Come In” warning sign being affixed like a teenager’s bedroom. Brian Christinzio (known musically as BC Camplight) has many closed doors in his mental bank. Over the course of his discography, the Manchester-based American has used humour – containing sarcasm and pop culture references – as a distraction from opening the entrances to his demons. Even using this technique when trying to make sense of the recent breakdown of his long term relationship. A Sober Conversation is the 45-year-old’s attempt – rather humanly he fails at times – to tackle his worst problems head on; depression, alcoholism, fear of fatherhood. As well as bravely confessing for the first time that the root of his mental problems is mostly like an incident of childhood abuse.
BC Camplight’s 7th album,, as the album title suggests, is essentially a series of awakening conversations. Mostly sung but also can be just spoken. Sometimes the conversation are with a female companion; which is the case on ‘Two Legged Dog’ (The Last Dinner Party’s Abigail Morris) and ‘Bubbles In The Gasoline’ (Peaness’s Jessica Branney). Such is his mental state, the conversations are also with imagined characters or imagined situations; whether taking place at present time or reciting them as if they happened in the past. Ultimately, he is unleashing his deep dark thoughts to the listener but in the kind of indirect way that a shy person who avoids eye contact or constantly dresses up in a persona would chat. Sometimes his words are frustratingly cloaked in mystery, while other times he can be clearer in his confessions. It depends on the song but followers of BC Camplight’s catalogue will be used to this.
Like his previous 4 releases, A Sober Conversation is 9 tracks long. It’s bookended by pieces that set the scene of the abuse. In September 1993 when Brian Christinzio was a child, he attended a summer camp in his home state of New Jersey called Four Oaks Day Camp. The place caters for 4 to 13 year olds and aims to teach kids crafts and team-building outdoor sports. It was here in this seemingly safe space that Brian was taken advantage of by an adult counsellor. On‘The Tent’ you can hear his adolescent self stomping through wet grass, along with science fiction drone, and along with the unanswered calling of his friend Jason, create an ominous atmosphere. It’s also made evocative through further detailed description of his walking (“Cold socks, leaves crunching”) and the innocence that has been taken away from him (“I wonder if my shoes are as cool as the other kids /where did I put my apple sauce?” ) The door to this memory keeps creaking open as we can hear subconscious whispers of “the tent the tent”. Yet as Brian plays the piano he tries to ignore this call to action, closing the door shut and lists other ways to solve his trauma; from “cutting out the caffeine” and “maybe learn some Italian” (which he references humorously and in a continuity way later on the album).
At the other end of the album is counterpart ‘Leaving Camp Four Oaks’. Completely instrumental and more of a subdued science fiction atmosphere, it begins with the unzipping of a tent, followed by sounds of walking and further calling of his friend Jason. It seems to suggest that this track is taking place after the abusive incident but it’s placement at the end of the album also indicates that Brian has recalled and accepted what happened to him and now he is ready to move on, to leave this trauma behind. Therefore the parts in-between are the troubled musician’s journey to coming to terms with it. This makes A Sober Conversation not only a great listen musically – switching from jolly piano to theatrical and cinematic moments within the same song – but in a psychological way it exercises the ability to try to interpret the lyrical content and what it reveals.
‘Two Legged Dog’ – which features dream-like intermissions – uses canine metaphors as he learns about the benefit of help when facing the doors of his mental issues. Seeking help but also realising that other people have problems and the best help might be from himself. Abigail Morris sings “Don’t make me sorry, sorry for you. I’m not a lifeguard, I’m struggling too. I don’t do tricks, I don’t lay down.”
On the title track ‘A Sober Conversation’, after the child-like act of playing ignorance “put my fingers in my ears”, he toys with audience – that are waiting to hear more details about the camp distress – by having a conversation with a later-revealed-to-be-imaginary friend and having the following discussion: “let’s take a little drive, if you’ve got something to hide, now’s the time to show me”And as we pulled into the pines, I cried and he said ‘lеt it all out…’ I said ‘OK. Don’t tell anyone. I don’t care for David Bowiе’. Purposely picking someone who is massively popular for shock value.
Further toying and getting stuck in his own imaginary world is ‘When I Make My First Million’. On top of the aforementioned giving up of a caffeine, Brian thinks that money can fast track solve his problems. In this case, improve his companionships. “I’ll buy a friend with my big salary / I will buy my kids those damn football shoes.” Until his opens up the memory door and reveals to the audience that “there’s no family.” These twists that BC Camplight incorporates in his songs gives a unique suspense to his lyrics.
On either side of the jollier ragtime rock ‘Bubbles In The Gasoline’ in which Brian learns to let go and turn his pessimism into the acceptance that future time will always have bad moments tethered with the good ones, is two tracks that finally deal with the abuse incident. ‘Where You Taking My Baby’ is Brian supposedly having a conversation with his abuser, the now 75-year old Michael. After undergoing therapy, he says to Michael: “I don’t want to hate anything anymore”. – Michael is supposedly acting out either due to senility or fear, so in the chaotic bridge Brian sings: “Michael, you’re making a scene, I’m on your team. Michael don’t make a fist, I don’t want this.”
However, the most powerful track on A Sober Conversation is the filmic ‘Rock Gently In Disorder’. Switching between horror and La La Land-style Jazz musical, Brian Christinzio is speaking directly to the listeners asking them to imagine being in his situation. How a past trauma affects ones ability to be genuinely happy. Using an example such as:“Picture your favourite dream, puppies and running free. With all your perfect friends and then pretend someone took it from you.” He later addresses his drug habit with the surprising lyric: ‘Running towards my fix; cocaine and Weetabix.”
Nocturnal ballad ‘Drunk Talk’ – in which Brian quotes the random and humorous conversations he had during an attention seeking intoxicated spell – shows that his old self destructive still exists within. However expecting a complete change in his psyche would be unrealistic and out of character. There’s enough evidence on show to suggest that he is making big improvements. He has revealed one of his biggest secrets to his devoted fans. In turn this is an album that won’t just be musically rewarding but will help many victims of abuse open the repressed memory door and figure out the best way to mentally cope with their suffering.
