John Cage, Gamu Nhengu, Harry Hill, Mariah Carey, Michael Jackson - Who wants to be Christmas n°1?

Elise El Ouardi 14/12/2010

The strangest contestant to be on top of the Christmas charts 2010:

Everyone is already betting on who will be Christmas number one, and after the unexpected victory of the band Rage against the Machine against the dastardly X Factor machine last year, thanks to a facebook fan page, anything seems possible.

As a result, more artists and groups think they might have what it takes to reach the top of the charts this year, which inevitably leads us to some really odd possibilities of Christmas number one, and here are some of the most bizarre possibilities:

1. Harry Hill is releasing and album of comedy songs around Christmas time: his humour is great but could you imagine a song about a 14 year-old girl called Chantelle who is addicted to Facebook but more importantly who wants a baby playing in the background while your Nan is carving the turkey?

Harry Hill - I Wanna Baby

2. What a surprise even Mariah Carey is releasing a Christmas album! When no one can actually remember the last single she released or performed live without being late or under the influence of some random substance. Maybe the eventually finding love has changed her (who knows?). Does this Christmas album appear promising? Not really…Obviously the singer will be re-mastering 'All I want for Christmas is you', as it seems to be one of her only songs people tend to like, so much so that it comes every year! Entitled 'Oh Santa' it says a lot about what to expect from Mariah this Christmas.

3. Something that's always a bit creepy (unless a race for the Halloween no.1 existed) occurs when a dead artists “releases” new material(remember posthumous albums from Tupac and Bob Marely anyone?) from beyond the grave, the best example this year comes from the man still causing controversy even in death: Michael Jackson. His new album 'Michael', will be released on the 13th of December and the song 'Hold my hand' recorded with the rapper AKON, could have the potential to be number one. Why? Not necessarily because the song is great, but probably because it is Michael Jackson and well…he is dead.

4. Gamu Nhengu…does this name ring a bell? Probably not: However, if you have been watching the X factor this year (the very first few episodes) you might remember an 18 year -old girl from Clackmannanshire with a great voice who got kicked out at the early stages of the show and didn't even make it to the live stages. Still, she's not decided to give up and has recorded a charity choir song called 'Where will you sleep this Christmas', produced by her music teacher. She seems determined to beat last night's X factor winner Matt Cardle…Good luck to her!

5. Everyone likes to eat a bit of turkey, chicken, partridge or pheasant on Christmas day, and what other song could be more relevant on this occasion than novelty surf record 'Bird is the word'? Ok, the song is probably one of the most annoying things of all time, but always makes 'Family Dad' fans smile. Facebook users and various gurning DJs( including Scott Mills) started a massive campaign to make the song Christmas number one, and obviously, it will not be as threatening as 'Killing in the name of', but so much more fun!

6. Even more annoying than 'Bird is the word', is the X factor 2010 winner Matt Cardle and his new single 'When we collide' which is now officially very likely to be Christmas n1 (the odds are a healthy 2/7). However, let's remember that Biffy Clyro's original version of the song (Many of horror [when we collide]) was in the UK charts for a long time, and people might end up finding the song slightly irritating for hearing it way too much. We can only hope!

7. The last very odd contestant in the battle to conquer the Christmas charts, called is this year's discerning anti Xfactor contender John Cage. Do you know him? This man is the composer behind '4'33'', which is in fact, 4 minutes of 33 seconds of silence. (The track is 'meant to be perceived as consisting of the sounds of the environment that the listeners hear while it is performed'). John, who died in 1992, was a composer, but also a philosopher, a poet, an artist and…a mushroom collector. See what a bit of culture could do to the music industry? This could probably be the best contestant of the whole competition.


After years of unoriginal Christmas number 1 races, we can only hope that this year's Christmas chart will be full of surprises as people seem to be regaining interest in fighting for their favourite artists and releases after Rage Against The Machine's victory against all odds last year.

Which can only be a good thing for competition within the music industry, and shows that even though people are downloading more and more music, they still believe in spending money on their favourite artists or backing a novelty for that special festive day. Clearly the race Christmas number 1 is still far from an old-fashioned tradition in this country.

What's your tip for Christmas number one? What do you make of the contenders? And who cares about Christmas number one anyway?!