Doc Mustard - Who’s coming for Christmas?

Ash Akhtar 25/11/2008

Rating: 1/5

Oh crikey, another comedy record! Let's hope I get it right this time. OK - to put this in perspective, the first line of the song (sung to the tune of The twelve days of Christmas) is: “Every day of Christmas, my true love shares with me - the clitoris within her pussy!”

Cue porn samples of woman moaning and sighing in aching ecstasy. I could be wrong - she could just really want a bag of Wotsits or something…

“Oh clitoris, Oh clitoris - how I yearn to suck thee,” continues our wondrous protagonist. Isn't he a wit?

Already banned by (ahhhh no - those fascists!) this anti-consumerist rant against the December orgy of shopping manages to cleverly rhyme Clitoris with Christmas.

Wrap these clever lyrics up in a poorly produced Christmas tune and that's about as funny as this little package gets.

*Cue rampant abuse about how I just don't get it. It's true - I don't!