John Barrowman - What About Us?
Bill Cummings 17/11/2008
Dear John Barrowman,
I used to quite like you as the token Yank on an early incarnation of nineties Saturday morning kids show, Live and Kicking. Safely confined to a backroom broom cupboard with a telephone line and a VT screen, playing computer games with an endless round of squeaky voices. But now you're like omnipresent slime on my TV screen, I can just about forgive you Doctor Who spin off Torchwood ( it's alright, it's camp sci-fi fun), I can even forgive your vaguely humorous comments on the BBC's Eurovision song contest 'You decide' show. But I can't forgive your weeks of judging on Andrew Lloyd Webber BBC vehicles. We all know you're a reliable West End performer (you may have seen Mr Barrowman in such shows as Jason and His Technicolour dream coat to name one), but your repetitive sickly sly judgements are just wrong wrong wrong. Your sickening solo song on the Royal Variety a few years back and your nauseating in your face sexuality, 'I'm GAY you know! A BIG GAY! I LIVE WITH A MAN!!' We all know you're gay, nobody particularly cares.
You've gone another step out of line inflicting your dire new single 'What About Us?' A sub-Cliff Richard ballad, caked in strings and a desperate chorus that grasps towards the quality torch anthem of Take That's supreme comeback single 'Patience'. Spare us your music - what about the children, Barrowman what about the children!?! In short this is an utter waste of time, although I'm sure you wouldn't see it that way John: another round on This Morning's sofa beckons.
John in some respects you are quite talented, but you don't need to hog the limelight, you know? Give someone else a chance, we don't need some desperate attention-seeking American outstaying his welcome. Which you certainly are.