Steveless, Syd Howells - Please In The Name Of God Stop Beating My Children To Death With Your Gigantic Hammers...

Liam McGrady 00/00/0000

Rating: 1/5

Track 9, phew; only 4 more to go… *grimaces and sobs* 4 more; lord help me.

You find me slumped on my desk, typing this in short bursts between trying to protect my ears and preserve my sanity; what sounds like the recording of a workshop full of hyperactive, psychotic blacksmiths pounding like hell on massive bits of sheet metal playing in the background. I've already endured a depraved banshee, wailing “CRAB NEBULISER!!!” several hundred times over what sounds like fucking headache, gritted my teeth so hard that my dentist is going to have a bloody field day, through what must be a sadistic, spiteful man - who's probably just stubbed his toe - releasing his anger by laying into a rusty old bin with sledgehammers and pickaxes; and put my head between my legs and breathed deeply during another, nausea inducing, bout of ironmongery passed off as music; only this time with the most annoying claxon sounding relentlessly, over, and over, and over, and over again.

I don't deserve this; no one deserves this. If I don't make it through the next *checks CD player* arrgggh… next two horrific passages; noises like disfigured beasts having nightmares, about disfigured beasts having nightmares, then please, somebody, destroy this record. Break it into pieces, break the pieces into smaller pieces, then burn it, dowse the ashes in petrol in burn them again, otherwise this record is going to ruin lives and scar people for life - it's a goddamn family wrecker!!!! Gnnnggghh! My head!!!!